if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
