Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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