Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
being pregnant is like rehab
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
