Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
