some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
