just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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