easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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