normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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