I looked at my own cervix.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
and she was petting her beer can
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
