38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
