Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My ATM looks so different sober.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
