im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
