Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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