I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
