Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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