Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just tell him i said nine months
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
