Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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