New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
