I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize