found the other keg... it's in the tree
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My liver just had a heart attack.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
