thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
