When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
