Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize