I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
