He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
