Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I wear drunk well.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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