the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
