My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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