I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
