There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
