I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wish you could order shots online.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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