hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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