not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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