Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
