I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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