genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
