We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
