There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
