i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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