I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
