I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize