I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
