We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
