I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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