i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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