Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
