There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
