whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
