I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
And then he peed in my hair
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