the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
