you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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