No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
