I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
