The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i would punch a child for taco bell
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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