I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
