Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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