I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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