I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
