that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize