HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
