I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
