So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
