everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
