My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
