Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
