I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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