Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
