i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
