Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
