Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
