I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
