It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He did a backflip because drugs
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
