then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
