and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
