If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize